When it rains, it pours T_T, but I am happy it was just a heavy rain. I am glad I always bring with me my umbrella ^_^
Background Story 😀
When one of my colleagues qualified for a scholarship abroad (in Australia), the thought came to mind that I should try to. Maybe going abroad for schooling and not for a job will work out this time because my first attempt in Thailand certainly did not succeed.
I hope to share my 3-week journey in Thailand, where I could not fight homesickness, so I went home without second thoughts!
Back to these scholarship rejections, I call those days “Australia Fever” because many of us tried to apply, too. We crafted proposals, and we sent them to various Australian universities, hoping that we could also plunge into it.
Yet.
Among all of us, I was the one who got rejected so many times. My colleagues even just had their first attempt and were already accommodated. That made me wonder if I am that bad at this. Maybe I was cursed. Or perhaps I am not good with my proposals? I don’t know.
I had desperate attempts. I was changing from one field (public health) to another (education), both Higher Degree Research, but then these emails came T_T.
I thought I just had five rejection emails, but posting them here made me realize I had 6, excluding those supervisors I contacted but did not bother to reply.
I was hurt, of course.
Even now, my heart is aching, and I am trying to divert my attention to a more important thing: I am working on, ‘my dissertation.’ Like my father always says, ‘Focus on what you have and then try to make time for your next plans.’
Still, it hurts a lot to be rejected.
But my academic journey should not end here. Maybe there is one thing that these rejections taught me, and that is to keep trying until one, even just one, gives me a chance to further my studies, earning my second Ph.D.
Honestly, it is not about the degree but about understanding and learning many things. It is about the journey and the people I will meet while working in my field of interest. I am craving knowledge and wisdom about this world. My soul yearns for a meaningful experience.
I am the kind of person who always wants to insist. But I think these things are teaching me to let go of those things beyond my control.
Am I Giving Up?
How can I give up when there is still this burning desire inside me who wants to go further? Who wants to see more of this world? Who wants to learn more so I can help more people? I will lift all of these to God, who knows what is best for me.
As for now, I will focus on finishing my first Ph.D. and see what life will offer me after all of this.
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